Criminal from India

A brief introduction of a Criminal fro. India…..
I am an engineering student from Assam, India. I grew up in a society 1where homosexuality was unheard of and so was homophobia. As a 8 year old kid I used to dress up in my mothers saree with her help and roam the entire colony during Saraswati Puja and never heard a mean word from anyone. It was just a little child’s innocent play and that is how everyone saw it.
I was an introverted kid with no interest in sports or any physical activities, I very much spent most of my school life buried in books and was hardly ever in any sort of trouble. I stayed to myself and had very few select friends to whom I opened up. I was well mannered, helpful and shy, this made me much liked by teachers and elders, even the burly boys of my class treated me nicely. I knew early in life that I was different from the rest of the boys, but I pretty much spent my entire school life in denial. Even after hitting puberty, when I used to get aroused by the male anatomy I chalked it up to ‘late growth’ or ‘hormonal imbalance’ and earnestly believed I would grow out of it. I never thought of myself as ‘Gay’, and though I am usually less judgmental of different people, I had a homophobic streak as I refused to believe that sexuality couldn’t be changed.
When I entered college I started to imagine my future life as a person dedicated to his work as I didn’t believe I could live a married life. It hurt to think I would never get to raise a son or a daughter. But then I fell head over heels for a guy in college, my first love. And after spending a few agonizing months in his presence, helplessly trying to convince myself that it was just ‘friendship’, I finally broke down and came out of denial. After facing reality I couldn’t bear the burden of a secret, I came out to my best friend from school, he had been a great friend and mentor to me in my school days and had helped me build my confidence and over come my shyness. None of that changed, and he told me that he was proud of me to choose to come out. Encouraged with my first confession, I decided to come out to the friend I crushed on. I told him everything, about my sexuality and my feelings for him. He was shocked, but he didn’t run away, didn’t shout at me, didn’t ask me to change. He supported me and stood by me when a few months later I came out to everyone on Facebook.
“Today on Janmashthami, birthday of the God of Love ‘Krishna’, i fasted and prayed to the Lord to give me the courage and the will to do the right thing. And right now sitting on my computer i think i need to share this with all and any who are concerned or care that i am Gay. I hope i’m doing the right thing, not by being gay but by coming out like this i mean. I do not choose to be gay, i just choose to live a life where i’m free to love….”
These were the exact words that i wrote on Facebook. This was a bold step and I was shit scared. I hadn’t asked anyone or discussed with anyone before doing it. But I was not going to live a secret life. I wanted people to see me as a gay guy and realise that i was normal. The following few weeks were hard as my friends all screamed at me, but they were angry with me for being public about it. I was pleasantly surprised as most of my classmates and college friends came to my support. I was never bullied and never a bad word said to me. Though most did not believe I was actually gay, or thought I would change, no one abandoned me or harassed me. Yes there were people who said things behind my back, but they wouldn’t dare to say it to my face because I would give back as much I got. And my friends always had my back.
I came out to my father after the Indian SC re-criminalized homosexuality, he believes its a perversion and that i can change if i try,but he would not stop loving me if I choose to settle with another man.

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11 thoughts on “Criminal from India

  1. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE 🙂 High time people realize that things like sexuality and religion are personal and its not okay to impose your views on another being’s life.

    P.S. According to Sigmund Freud – People who are homophobic publicly are actually the ones who are homosexual themselves but too scared to come out of the closet.

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    1. Thank you Akriti….:) and yes I have first hand experience of that theory. And it isnt surprising that most homophobic people are religious, some people find more comfort in a convenient lie than the harsh truth..

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  2. Coming out is always risky, and some of us face more risk than others. I’ve been one of the lucky ones. As Akriti said, BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE!

    -Connie

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    1. Thanks Connie … i too am one of those few lucky ones. I am grateful to the people who went out of their way to aid me.

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    1. It was scary at first, when i had to deal with it alone. But it really helped when people started accepting me for who i am. Like you…..thank you…:)

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  3. When I told my straight friend that I liked him, he behaved like an A-hole. It was painful then but now its like ‘whatever’! Who cares?!! 🙂

    But it was nice reading this post and I am really happy that your friend/crush was more mature.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry about your friend….but really this kind of people can hardly be called ‘friend’…I was lucky…and still am, regarding the kind of people I have in my life….

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