I’m sorry Dad

Haven’t yet come out to my dad and his generation of our family. I feel it’s unnecessary at this point, since i’m single and gonna stay that way for quite a while, and that i’m still a student with no means to earn. No, i know my father won’t kick me out. But he won’t take me seriously unless i enter manhood, which according to him is when i start living off my own earning. And yeah i’m also scared of how he will take it when i do come out. I’m not scared for myself. I know i’ll get my way. It’s him, i’m scared for. He belongs to the generation that doesn’t ‘beleive’ in this things. We never have ever discussed about sexuality or gender so i don’t know whether he’s homophobic or not, it’s not something we ever had to face or come across. He probably has never thought about such things to even have an opinion about them. Maybe if i can come out in a responsible way he might actually be happy for me. But i don’t think that homophobia is the problem here. It’s his expectations as a parent from his children. He has worked very hard for us to be educated, nourished, and looked after. He is the kind of parent who won’t buy a new shirt he needs, who will walk home rather than take the bus, who will micromanage every unnecessary expense to save money so that he can afford our wants and desires. He is the most hard working and honest man i know. And i love it when people say that i’m growing up to be like him 🙂 He never lets us feel the burden of expectations. He’s that awesome. But i know that he has expectations. And i’ve seen how his heart breaks when we fail him. I’ve watched him a broken man once. And i can’t stand to see him like that again, much less be the cause of it. But i do have to face him and tell him some time. However now is not the best time. I want to make him proud. And i know i can do it. God be with me the day i come out to him and help him come to terms with it.

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3 thoughts on “I’m sorry Dad

  1. There is no shame in waiting. You’ll know when you are ready to tell your dad and from the way you describe him I think he’ll admire your courage when you do eventually tell him.

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  2. I know how it feels when people you love the most and who love you the most ,have no idea about an important aspect of you.The constant feeling guilt makes my heart heavy every time i think of it. I don’t know if keeping them in the dark is better than the possible pain caused by truth. All we can do is hope that they will take it well when we” tell them..

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